Taking Over the World, Sort Of

I have to confess another obsession.  It’s my Clustr Map, which shows every country where someone has read my blog.  Every time I go to the home page I see red and yellow dots all over the U.S., and a few others sprinkled around the globe.  Just like when I played RISK as a little girl, I simply must get a wooden bead on every country. 

You have no idea how this goal has consumed me.  I call my husband at work and shout, “We have Pakistan!” as if I’m Genghis Khan reporting his latest acquisition.

            But seriously, Pakistan!  And Hungary!  And Italy!  I don’t even know a living soul in these countries, but someone there is reading my humor columns.  In English!  Okay, that’s humbling because I don’t speak Urdu, Hungarian, or Italian.  And that’s not all.  I have readers in China, Canada, the U.K., Spain, Finland, Norway, Sweden, the Philippines, Bermuda (where I have always wanted to go), Brazil, Argentina, France, Australia, Guatemala, Mexico, the Russian Federation, and India.  All joined by a twisted sense of humor. 

            And, of course, I cannot look at this map without seeing the vast array of countries where I have not one reader.  Whole continents are missing, here!  Africa, hellooo?  Not a single dot, seriously?  What does a girl have to do?  And not one Middle Eastern country has hopped on board this laugh wagon, either.  Ditto the whole of Greenland.  Okay, I don’t expect too much from Greenland, but it still bugs me.  

I started this blog three months ago, and nearly 4,000 readers have visited.  For that I am uber grateful.  But surely these folks have friends in other countries who could use some entertainment; why aren’t they telling them to subscribe?  Don’t even get me started on the nations that could certainly use some levity in their lives; it’s pretty much everyone.  So I have a proposal.  If you know people in other countries, could you please email them the link to my blog?  In return, I will--okay there is no return.  But are you telling me there isn’t some satisfaction in sharing joy around the globe?  Must we always have a tangible reward instead of the intrinsic contentment that comes with doing a good deed?

Look at it this way.  You are keeping me from hurling RISK beads at my monitor, or worse, gluing them onto the screen and becoming another blonde joke.  That’s a community service, right there.  Don’t say I didn’t offer you the chance.