Scene of the Crime

Imagine you have just been to see the new, suspenseful Mission Impossible movie.  Imagine you have come home, still a bit jumpy, your mind swirling with crime and mayhem.

          Now look in your guest bathroom  and see this:

          Not your everyday occurrence, can we agree?  So here are the possibilities I offer you:

1-   A very large man with big feet has somehow entered my home (after murdering somebody), then has hidden in my bathtub, only to mysteriously liquefy and flow down the drain.

2-   My cat has approximately 100% more hunting ability than I thought, has captured a human this time, but could only eat half of him.

3-   A fly fisherman ghost has walked right through my walls and has taken a bubble bath, but then has fallen asleep after the water drained out. And he’s still there.

4-   A space man with time transporting abilities has broken into my home, hidden in my bathtub, and then gotten sent to Medieval times, and I don’t mean the dinner show.

5-   An alligator wrestler has chosen my bathtub for his latest practice session (after all, there’s a lot of mud here), but has lost and the alligator is still creeping around my house. 

6-   Our son, Richie, who just became a geologist, has gone to investigate some goopy, swampy site, and has left his pants and boots here without first warning his mother. 

Allright, fine.  If you guessed # 6 you are right.  But you must admit it’s a bit disconcerting to find half a dead guy in your tub, no?  Even Dr. Seuss wrote a scary book about exactly this kind of discovery.  It’s called The Pale Green Pants and goes, “Then I was deep within the woods when, suddenly, I spied them. I saw a pair of pale green pants with nobody inside them!”

So I know I’m in good company, being concerned about this half-a-person-in-the-tub thing.  I also know it should be a requirement that geologists bring their mothers gemstones after each expedition, if only to quell their fears.  (If these scientists are so smart, how come they didn’t think of that?)

You can give your mother a wonderful surprise—better than a gemstone.  Okay, better than some gemstones.  Give her one of my books, available here.  Or buy one for yourself!

The Boy is Back!

             Cue the trumpets.  

             Our eldest son has moved home.  Okay, granted, he does not want to do this.  Granted, he described this as “extremely temporary” while he looks for a job as a geologist, fresh out of UC Davis with his degree.  Granted, when I begged him to move home several months ago, all you could hear were crickets.

            But I’m so excited I’m giddy.  Just think of all the Scrabble games, jokes, stories, outings, discussions about the universe, and reasons to make more pies. 

Yesterday a friend of his came over and we cooked, played games, watched TV, and visited all day.  I am in my comfort zone, square and center.  (And it doesn’t hurt that he can offer me computer help on demand.  I mean on request.)

            Truth be told, I wish all my kids could do this.  I have no problem refilling my nest and only wish I could turn back the clock and raise them all over again.  Of course, none of them want to be parented anymore, but that actually works for me, because all I really want to do is play with them, anyway. 

            On holidays I get a little glimpse of the fun this would be, with Christmas music blaring and everyone bustling in the kitchen.  Some of the kids are designing the gingerbread house, 

our daughter is rolling out the Norwegian Lefse she learned to make on her mission, fudge is being stirred, Bratseli cookies are steaming in their waffle iron, 

the red velvet cake is made, 

games are underway, and the dog is running around in a Santa suit.

Organized chaos with everyone laughing—that’s heaven, right?

            “Grown children don’t want to hang out with their parents,” I was warned by a friend.  “He’s going to be gone more than he’s going to be there.”  Yes, I realize there’s a more realistic side to this twinkling coin of mine.  And that is exactly why parents have the washing machines, beds, refrigerators and WiFi that gives the kids an excuse to come over.  And did I mention pie?

Have you subscribed to my YouTube Mom channel here, yet?  Among other life skills on there, I can show you how to make absolutely killer pies.  Check it out!