And Now a Word From Our Sponsor

           Oh my gosh. Last night my dreams were literally interrupted by commercials. Seriously—one was for insurance (got plenty, thanks) and the other was for dog food (and we do not currently have a dog).

          How is this possible? I mean, I’m dreaming along and suddenly someone else is in charge? And that someone is from Madison Avenue and they want to sell me something in the middle of the night?

          These were great dreams and I wanted to continue with them. But no, I had to stop and watch COMMERCIALS!  With no fast-forward button.  It was crazy!

          Our daughter, a therapist, thinks I’m neuro-divergent. St. Bob agrees.  He says it’s not a complaint, but that I tend to think “Superman fast,” way ahead of present time. He says I ask a question, but while the person is answering I have often moved on and even forget what question I had asked.

          When someone comes to me with a problem, rather than listen and slowly try to help them, I come up with twenty solutions and then want to move on.

          If someone is speaking too slowly, my eyes widen like I’m being tortured (and I am. I literally want to scream and fall to the floor).

          So you can imagine the agony of having to watch two entire commercials before I could return to my dream. Talk about a nightmare.

Awake in the night? This is a perfect time to watch—and subscribe to—my Youtube Mom channel! Hundreds of QUICK life hacks.

Sole Searching

           You’re arriving at an elegant restaurant, a lovely wedding, a quiet church meeting and suddenly--- greeep!  One of your shoes starts squeaking.

          At the moment I have two shoes that squeak, in two different pairs! A local shoe repair guy couldn’t even fix them.

          So, Step One: Form a conspiracy theory. Maybe someone snuck into my closet and installed a listening device, because spies probably want to know what I’m saying. And it just happens to squeak.

          Step Two: Fill the problem shoe with baby powder, then shake it out. Hey, it works with squeaky wood floors. (Does not work with shoes).

          Step Three: Turn up the music so loud that no one can hear anyone’s shoes, creaky knees, or burping. But you might need earplugs.

          Or, just look at the silver lining (and if my shoes had silver linings, that might solve it!): At least it’s better than screaming.

Have you subscribed to my Youtube Mom channel yet? If not, you are missing incredibly wonderful life hacks—check it out!

Have You Arrived, Yet?

           Yesterday I think I got 14 appointment reminder calls. It was either 14 or 140—after 5 I stop counting. For any appointment whatsoever, we are now barraged with reminders about it.

Even as you are driving, they want you to take your eyes off the road and let them know if you’re on your way. It’s computerized once you’re in the system, and they’ll never stop yanking on your sleeve.

But I have an idea. What if we call them to see if they remember that we have an appointment?  Every day leading up to the appointment, we call. Here’s how it would go:

Monday: Hi, this is Joni Hilton. Just confirming my appointment on Friday.

Same thing Tuesday through Thursday. The receptionist is getting testy, now, and says, “Yes, I already told you we have it scheduled.”

But on Friday, you call that morning to confirm again. Hi, it’s Joni Hilton just making sure you have me down for two o’clock.

(Grand sigh). Yes, two o’clock, Joni.

            Then on your way, you pull over and call again. I’m on my way!

Once there, one more call. Now I’m here and I’m heading up the elevator.

Finally you get in to see the doctor and he lowers his voice, trying to be courteous.  “You know, you don’t need to call every day when you have an appointment. The girls are very busy.”

Exactly, my friend.

In between reminder calls, you can watch my Youtube Mom videos for wonderful life hacks!