Tuesday, March 1, 2016

Birthday with a Bang

          Last weekend our daughter, Nicole, came home from BYU for a quick trip to celebrate her birthday.  And a grand time was had by all.  EXCEPT, perhaps by those of us gathered around her birthday cake, which is to say everybody.
          Some time ago I got the ingenious (note sarcasm) idea to order musical, rotating candles from China.  I know, I know—you’re already thinking, “Wait—isn’t this the place that invented fireworks?”
          But it looked very cute online, and played a wee little birthday song, somewhat off-key but who’s counting, in the high pitch you’d expect a ladybug to sing, if ladybugs could sing.  As the candles burn in their pink flower-shaped container, the petals slowly open and the entire thing twirls.  Quite a show for only a couple of dollars, right? (Second clue: extremely inexpensive)
           The top of the box says, "Intellecual Candle" and these are the actual instructions on the side:
Explanation to cutline:
1.      Direct lit products top erect lighter spark rod. (Banned in windy conditions)
2.    Bar ignition spark eight candles, automatically open and play happy birthday music petals. If you want to stop the music, will the coppe line.
3.     Note: 1- Minors do not operate independently, 2- Please avoid candles lit 40 cm in the face, 3- Please before the flame blew out the candle unburnt.
Nicole’s cake was a cheesecake topped with homemade lemon curd, so rather than make a mess of it, she asked if we could place the candle beside the cake. No problem.  
           I struck a match.  “Get ready to make a wish,” I said.  And we carefully touched the flame to each little wick. And waited.  And waited.  The flames grew.  Things began melting.
No petals opened, though a very faint tune could be heard just before A HUGE EXPLOSION that threw bits of melted plastic and metal in all directions.
     Yes, military experts could use this sort of Trojan Horse birthday bomb to great advantage.  As the smoke cleared and we all surveyed the damage (and I pulled a weird metal ring from my hair), I had to wonder: What on earth did that girl wish for?
Just think—you can grant a wish right now-- mine!  Visit jonihilton.com and order my books! 


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