Tuesday, September 1, 2015

Best Workout Ever

          I know a lot of you work out at a gym, and still others of you train for Ironman Triathlons.  Some of you run the Boston Marathon, two of you are fitness instructors, and one of you (yes, you, LoriWindows) is the World Champion Horseback Endurance Rider.
          I am proud of my friends who love exercise, and prouder still that they remain my friends when I do not share their love of muscle pain.  You know the phrase, Fitness Craze?  Well, to me the operative word is “craze.”
          But I applaud your interest in such things, and even support you by coming along when invited.  For example, my good buddy, Rose, recently invited me to check out a local gym with her.  They were offering a free visit, so we put on exercise clothes and off we went. (I may not like yoga, but I am okay with yoga pants.)
          Soon I noticed I was the only person there carrying my purse around, on a shoulder strap.  As I visited each machine, I placed it nearby.  Then I looked for the instructions on how to use each device.  And there were WARNING SIGNS on all of them.  ALL OF THEM.

          This does not happen in a bakery.  I’m just saying.
          I sat on one machine and pulled two handles, which were supposed to lift flat weights up from a stack.  They did not work.  You had to pull out the pin entirely, before it would move.  And it made loud, clanging noises.
          There was one machine where you put your feet behind a padded bar, and then tried to lift it.  First I sat and thought about when I could possibly need this skill.  After several minutes I decided the answer was “never,” so I moved on.
          Each implement of torture—I mean each exercise device—seemed more complicated than the last one.  Finally Rose turned to me and said, “What do you say we call it a day?  I have some chocolate cake at the house.”
          I was able to respond with lightning speed and agility.  We lost no time zipping over to her home, where we enjoyed a delicious treat, both of us smiling more than the gym folks would smile in a week.
And that, my friends, is how to have the best workout ever.  You’re welcome.

And, in case you pull a ham string and cannot go to the gym for awhile, curl up with one of my books, available here.  And, of course, some chocolate cake.

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