Well, this takes the cake. Actually cake is not on the diet. So let’s just say that’s the way the cookie crumbles. Oh, wait—cookies are off the list, too. This is certainly not easy as pie.
Bob and I have each been assigned opposite diets. After my kidney stones, I am forbidden to eat the following things: nuts, wheat bran, leafy greens, berries, legumes, spinach, beets, sweet potatoes, and tea.
Bob, on the other hand, recovering from prostate cancer surgery, is urged to eat nuts, wheat bran, leafy greens, berries, legumes, spinach, beets, sweet potatoes, and green tea.
Oh—and the calcium supplements that probably caused my kidney stones? Forget about them—now I’m to eat lots of cheese and dairy that will give me plenty of calcium naturally. Bob, on the other hand, is to avoid a high calcium diet. There are more match-ups, but you get the idea.
Wasn’t it enough that we were both in the hospital at the same time? Surely you read about that here. And isn’t it enough that I’m now buying totally organic veggies at twice the price? And whipping up smoothies with strange granular ingredients that creep me out?
Our kitchen island looks like the booty from a robbed pharmacy.
Our fridge looks like a stranger’s, missing all the wonderful goodies I expect to find in there, and loaded instead with hideous items you find in the fridges of people who dislike cooking.
Why do I suspect that somewhere, in the back room of a hospital, a group of nutritionists are laughing?
I can just see my future, rolling out in a gigantic dichotomy. I will be like those poor women who make a separate meal for each of their finicky children. Nutty wheat bran pancakes for Bob, boring bowl of yogurt for me. Spinach soufflé for Bob, cottage cheese for me.
Oh, well. At least I only have to type up one list to put on the fridge.
Be sure to check out my videos on my YouTube Channel. I’m Your YouTube Mom, and I have dozens of short videos you can watch that will teach you household tips and life skills—everything, really, except how to combine two polar opposite diets.